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Blessed Unrest.

So, I just bought a ticket for a workshop in Santa Fe the first weekend in June: Mantra, Marma, and Asana—that’s Sound, Touch, and Movement if you want to skip the Sanskrit.  (I’m excited.)

It’s a plane ticket.  (I’m not excited).  On one hand it is a fantastic opportunity to deal with inner conflict, to break through all sorts of stories and moral judgments upon myself; on the other it’s just another opportunity that feels like self-important pedaling up hill.

At first, I looked at flying and found that it was going to be significantly less expensive…at least in terms of cost to me, hours of travel, and ease of pick-up/drop off…social, environmental, and energetic impact…well these are more expensive.  I can see all the other expenses, and I can’t plead ignorance.

Then, there was an extra fee.  And then the ticket was purchased.  And then I realized that if I end up taking the Airport shuttle up from Albuquerque to Santa Fe, my net savings is approximately $70 (and 4 extra days in Santa Fe).  So, here I am with a plane ticket, and all the value and savings have evaporated.

I’m heart-broken.  I feel like I’ve lost my inner compass.  I don’t know what I value, where I am, or the energy of connection, consciousness, and collaboration I can and want to create.  I can do nothing wrong and yet I can do nothing right.  Airport and flying, and here it is National Train Month.

A deep exetestnetial uneasiness. A final meaninglessness.  I’ll be writing more about the Suburban Dream (and the Awakening the Dreamer Symposium I went to last weekend) and how it is increasingly uncomfortable to be living within it.  It is a blessed unrest; as I stay with it, it will catalyze a shift that is unbreakable.  There is, of course, an opportunity to move into equanimity and equilibrium with my own conflict around the disconnect that is common in the world around me.  To recognize that we are all doing the best we can to wake up and move into wholeness and to embrace my wholeness regardless of the external environment.

Ultimately, it doesn’t matter.  We exist, we experience, and the universe continues (with or without the human species or even the planet Earth.)

A master moves in and from stillness.  Can I stay within this blessed unrest, this time of deepest potential, to clarify, refine, sharpen, soften, and complete metamorphoses?